This past week Marco and I were able to get away to a family vacation. It was so wonderful being with all of his family and getting to know them more. I learned a lot about myself on this vacation. I recently re-read the book The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer with one of my clients. The focus of the book is about how to let go of things that bother us. The way we do that is by allowing things to pass through us. How? Well Michael says all you have to do is relax the shoulders, breathe, and remember that you are standing on a spot on the world that is spinning in an infinite universe, then Shazam! Easier said than done!
Most of us like to attach to our feelings, whether they be good or bad and hold on to them tightly and never let them go . We tend to hold onto the good things so that we can always cherish or compare them to our other experiences and we hold to the bad situations so that we can never be hurt again (victimizing). BUT we are actually not the ones experiencing the event. Our True Self isn’t the one feeling the emotions that arise during an issue it is just our ego or psyche. Have you ever noticed that you are hearing the thoughts in your head? That implies there are two of you… One is your True Self (not affected by anything!) and the other is your ego (always affected by everything!) When an event happens – we react. This reaction is an influx of energy and it will pass through us if we let it. We don’t have to hold onto the event, but if we do keep it close – it builds upon itself over and over again every time we get triggered to remember this event – creating an energy cyst. Our True Self is just watching the scene pass like a movie. It doesn’t hold onto the event for us to fear what may happen in the future or take it on as it’s idenitity. The goal is to become aware enough during an event to move through it and not attach and keep it. Let me give an example…
When I was a baby I was chubby chubby chubby and going to the beach was so fantastic except one part – the SAND! I would get sand stuck in every crack and crevice of my rolls and it would be extremely hard for my family to get it all off of me – sometimes I would even get rashes from not being able to get the sand out. So I have this negative trauma connected to getting sand on me. I love going to the beach! You might be asking how this is possible when so much of it is the sand… Well, in order to enjoy the beach, I had to ensure that no sand got on any area of my body except my feet. I would take every precaution to keep sand off my towel/blanket and the moment sand got on anything – I was done. So was I ever really fully enjoying the beach? No! Because I was constantly monitoring my experience to feel safe. My aversion to the sand wasn’t always as bad as it is now, but the older I got the more intense it became – I was building onto my trauma. My energy cyst was growing and growing.
During this trip, I told Marco that he could play with Mesías at the beach and that he would be in charge of bathing him afterwards. That way I didn’t have to touch any sand. We went to the beach and of course Mesías loved every moment of it. He was throwing the sand all around, screaming with delight, eating the sand…. Sand was everywhere! I was dying inside, I felt myself tighten up and close off; I was literally gagging as Mesías was eating the sand. BUT (and thank God) something inside me noticed that Marco and Mesías were having so much fun and I was just watching on the sidelines totally missing out. I didn’t want to miss out having fun with my family because of something I couldn’t let go of! So, I went for a swim to gain some confidence (I had to talk myself into it!), and I came back and sat down with Marco and Mesías in the sand at the waters edge. With each wave, I could feel the sand going into my bathing suit, but I could also feel myself letting go. What do you know, my shoulders started relaxing, my breathe eased, and I didn’t die. AND we had so much fun! There was no way for me to know what the future held for me with the sand; how full my bathing suit or crack would be. BUT I did know I didn’t want to lose this moment with my son because of a fear that had been holding me captive for all of my life. Each day we made baby steps, and I was slowly able to let go of my drama with the sand.
When I think about all the times I wasn’t living fully or truly enjoying life, I can always connect it to fears from past experiences. The root of this fear is that I might experience the same feelings and sensations (or worse!) as I did the first time. Or the same feelings and sensations from another time where the fear, anticipation, and expectation had already begun building up around past experiences. How much more fully can I experience life if I just let go of these fears?
I do believe that this isn’t my only life to live. I have many many more to take on, but what I do know is I will never get to be Sherri again married to Marco with our son Mesías so I better not take any moment for granted and let go of all my shit so I can flow with life and have an amazing journey. I don’t want to miss one moment where I could be having fun, enjoying life, and living in the present.
What are you holding onto that you can’t let go? Fear, anger, sadness, expectations, an exciting time in your life, a perfect body weight, a younger you … and what can you do to start letting go and fully living life?