Marco and I spent the weekend in a training with one of our teachers and a big part of the training is about getting neutral to life. What do I mean when I say neutral? It means not having a charge or giving your energy to an outcome or circumstance. Or in LeRoy’s words, “becoming at Ease with one’s dis-Ease. Being neutral is not reacting to anything that you, another person, a group, an organization, a government, or a country — thinks, says, or does, or doesn’t think, say or do.”
When people are first introduced to this topic, I often hear them say that it sounds like you are learning not to care about something which is far from the truth. You can still care about something and not allow yourself to go weak to it. It is allowing you to not be bothered by it, to maintain your calmness and peacefulness. You learn to stop giving your power away to the thing you are addressing.
Let’s look at an example.
When Mesías was born, the hospital scared us with SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) and told us we must always lay him on his back to sleep, that he should be swaddled and that he should never sleep in our bed. Well don’t you know Mesías slept the best on his stomach, unswaddled and in our bed. HA! Figures! In fact, the kid wouldn’t sleep any other way! So of course Marco and I were scared that he would get suffocated! We constantly checked on him to make sure he was still breathing and sometimes I still catch myself doing it! We were NOT neutral to this at all!
So HOW DO YOU GET Neutral?
Step 1: Worst Case Scenario
What is the worst possible thing that could happen? – Mesías dies.
What’s worse? – Mesías dies. Everyone blames me. Marco and I divorce because of it.
What’s worse than that? – I can never get over the death, I’m all alone and miserable for the rest of my life. Marco feels all the same things too.
What’s worse than that? – This misery continues for all eternity.
In practice I could keep going to worse and “worser” case scenarios if I needed to or if they came to mind.
Step 2: Best Case Scenario
What is the best possible thing that could happen? – Mesías sleeps.
What’s better than that? – We all sleep.
What’s better than that? – We all sleep and feel refreshed.
What’s better than that? – Because we can sleep and are refreshed we can engage more fully in life.
Again this could continue to additional better case scenarios . . .
Step 3: Check Your Energy to the Best Worst Case Scenarios
When you focus on the situation, does anything still bother you? In my example it doesn’t but if your energy is still going weak to either the worst case or best case scenario, then you would continue to worsen the worst case scenarios, and improve the best case scenarios.
Step 4: Get Neutral
Why do we get neutral to those best and worst case scenarios? Accept that neither is likely and reality often falls somewhere in between. Get neutral to reacting to the downward spiral of the worst case scenario. The worst case scenario might be obvious, but why do we get neutral to the best case scenario?!?! To avoid building anticipation, expectation, or anxiety around an unrealized reality. It’s great if it happens and we can still enjoy it if it does, but if it doesn’t that’s ok too!
THEN! You will have found neutrality.
Another way to do this quickly, but involves awareness… If you catch yourself doing “what ifs” then flip the what if to a positive or negative.
What if I let Mesías sleep on his belly and he suffocates? … What if I let Mesías sleep on his belly and he has the best sleep ever?
What if I let Mesías sleep unswaddled and he scratches himself? … What if I let Mesías sleep unswaddled and he sleeps soundly?
What if I let Mesías sleep with me and I suffocate him? … What if I let Mesías sleep with me and he sleeps though the night?
Now, doesn’t that just take the drama out of it all? I love to claim I want a drama free life… if that is true I just found the answers!
Let me know if you have any questions or need help getting neutral to something!